It had been seven years. She had thought all the troubles were over. She and Chakotay had married shortly after the incident with Arturis and the 'Dauntless' or what was supposed to be the Dauntless... that day her hopes had been crushed and in some ways her fears realized, but later in her life would be obliviated and her fears would become a reality. She had avoided the Borg, eluded the Kazon and defeated species 8472 only to be overcome by her own downfalls, her trust in the good of human nature and her own faith in it.

 

When she and Chakotay had married she had thought her troubles were over. A union between the Maquis leader and the Starfleet Captain, surely this would show their commitment and earn their trust. Apparently not; she had learned she had earned no one's trust, no one's faith, not even that of her husband and first officer: Chakotay. They had talked about starting a family and against her better judgment she had agreed. When she had finally gotten pregnant, she had thought he was overjoyed, more false truths, more illusions. Seven years... seven years of hopes, fears and dreams, but in the end it was seven years of nothing.

 

Kathryn had gone into labor early one morning. He had been there, by her side, encouraging, the loving husband and soon to be loving father... or so she had thought.

"That's it Kathryn, Push!"

And so she had borne down with all her strength, all her willpower, all her soul.

"I see a head Kathryn, just a little more."

And so it had happened. She had become the mother of a little boy. He looked just like the baby pictures she had seen of Chakotay save one small fact; he had Kathryn's blue-gray eyes. Chakotay looked at his son, told her how proud he was and then returned to the bridge. There was work that needed to be done. Kathryn fell into a deep and peaceful sleep, all her wishes seemingly granted. What she didn't know was that this was the last peaceful sleep she would have until the day she reached her final resting place.

She awoke the next morning, feeling well rested, but when she finally became fully awake, she realized she was unable to move. Guards were posted everywhere dressed in Maquis uniforms. Apparently everything was a lie. Everything she had worked for, everything they had worked for, how could she have been so blind. She knew everyone said 'Love was Blind', but she could still not believe that she had missed this, missed all the signs... the signs there must have been. From the beginning he had been waiting for the opportunity to make itself known, the opportunity to take her ship, her chance and her life. All things, which he had no right to. Chakotay's marriage to her, everything, had been nothing but a deception, nothing but a lie.

He had gotten her pregnant, he had known this would be his chance, and despite everything she had to wonder if he had ever really loved her. He had known when she had the baby there would be a span of at least a couple of days where she would be incapacitated, and so he had jumped at the chance.

She felt betrayed and alone; she was escorted to the cargo bay where she was being told the remaining crew who were faithful to her was being held. B'Elanna was there, holding Kathryn's son, the son she had not even gotten the opportunity to name. Harry had apparently been killed defending his Captain and Mentor, along with Tuvok. The only comfort she got was that they had taken a few Maquis with them when they had died. The marriage had been annulled, and Kathryn was being given one last chance to see her son before her life, as she knew it would end. They were given a shuttle, and set free... of course free is a subjective term and to her she would never be free again. Tom and B'Elanna, the only two others to come with her... the only two others willing to take a chance for their principles decided a year into their trip to settle on a planet. She wished them the best... they deserved happiness, the happiness she would never again be able to live.

She continued on for years... she was a good enough negotiator but the reality of the treatury would haunt her for the rest of her life. Then one day, it all ended. It was sudden, she felt no pain, and she was shot down by a planetary satellite, no one noticed, no one cared. Kathryn Janeway died, and on that day her soul was finally set free. The cruel irony of the fact that the one thing she had wanted in life, to explore - had been her hell - troubled her, and she often times wondered if that had really been what she had wanted. On the day she died, a cry rang out, a piercing shriek, and somewhere a child cried. He cried for the loss of innocence, the innocence he had lost the day his mother had been sent away, the loss of dignity his father had forced upon him. The loss of the mother he had never really known.

The loss of the life he had been denied, the life he would never live.

THE END